Vale Community Church · Sunday 2 August 2026
Covenant Friendships
1 Samuel 18:1–4
Jonathan had every reason to resent the shepherd boy who had just stolen the show. Instead, he loved him as himself. What would it take for us to be that kind of friend?
In a nutshell
What we heard on Sunday
The choice to prefer each other is not just for heroes. It's for all of us.
Lisa Kerry began with greetings cards for friends: 'They have to stay my friends because they know all my secrets' and 'Friendship: saving us a fortune in therapy.' Her two closest friends have known her since she started nurse training at 18, when, she admitted, "I vehemently disagreed with women in ministry." God has the last laugh. There's a gift in friends who have journeyed with us and don't need things explained.
David and Jonathan set the bar so high that some have tried to explain their friendship away. Lisa invited us to be brave enough to look at it, alongside Jesus' words about friendship in John 15.
A friend who makes way
David, the upstart shepherd boy, has annoyed his brothers, killed Goliath with a shepherd's tools and become an instant celebrity. Yet Jonathan responds with loving friendship and "gives David the life that should have been his." Jesus says, "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends." "There's more than one way of laying down your life for your friend." Most good friendships grow through small sacrifices: making way, making allowances, choosing not to take offence.
When friendship controls
Saul kept David with him and would not let him go home. That's controlling, almost a hostage. By the end of the chapter Saul is trying to kill him, because "nothing kills a friendship quicker than envy." If you're envious, take it to God straight away; don't let it fester. If you're the one envied, space can be the kindest thing. Jesus, who holds all the power, gives it away: "I no longer call you servants … Instead, I have called you friends." So why do we try to hide things from him?
A covenant both ways
Jonathan and David made a covenant to honour each other's families. Years later, David asked, "Is there anyone still left of the house of Saul to whom I can show kindness for Jonathan's sake?" and Mephibosheth ate at the king's table like one of his sons. "For friendship to really thrive, there has to be giving and taking on both sides." And the first step towards that kind of friendship is "to accept the love offered to us."
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.John 15:13
God's covenant with us
He has made all the sacrifices,
and only requires our love in return.
It's an invitation to join him at the table as an honoured guest, just as Mephibosheth was at David's. As we prepared for communion, Alan sang 'Carried to the Table'. Whatever binds us and stops us coming, "Jesus carries us to the table."
Three things to try this week
The challenges from Sunday
- 1Make way for a friend. Choose one small sacrifice this week: celebrate their success, make allowances, or choose not to take offence.
- 2Take envy to God straight away. Don't let it fester. And if a friendship has become controlling, ask whether some space would be the kindest thing.
- 3Accept the invitation. Stop holding things back from Jesus. Take everything to him in prayer, and come to his table as an honoured guest.
For your own time with God, or your Life Group
Questions to reflect on
Don't try to answer all of these. Pick the ones that get under your skin. The ones marked Just you and God are meant to be private — a moment of quiet rather than a go-round-the-circle.
Getting started
- If you sent a card to your oldest friend, what would it say?
- Who has known you the longest? What do they remember about you that you'd rather they forgot?
Read 1 Samuel 18:1–4 and John 15:12–15
Read them together, slowly. Then, before any of the questions below: what do you notice about Jonathan? About Saul? About David? About the friendship Jesus offers?
1 A friend who makes way
- Read 1 Samuel 17:28–29, then 18:1. David has annoyed his brothers and upstaged the king's son. Why might Jonathan have had every reason to resent him?
- Lisa asked, "What if we had to stand by and see our friend receive all the glory and acclaim that perhaps should have been ours?" How would that test your friendships?
- "There's more than one way of laying down your life for your friend." What might that look like in an ordinary week?
- Think of the small sacrifices: making way, making allowances, choosing not to take offence. Who has made them for you? Have you ever thanked them?
- Just you and GodIs there a friend whose success you find hard to celebrate? Tell God about it honestly.
2 When friendship controls
- Read verse 2, then verses 8–11. How does Saul's 'keeping David close' turn so quickly?
- "Nothing kills a friendship quicker than envy." Why is envy so destructive? Where have you seen it rob someone of joy?
- Lisa urged anyone struggling with envy to take it to God straight away. What stops us doing that?
- If you're the one being envied or controlled, Lisa suggested space can be the kindest thing. Why is it so hard to step back from someone who seems to need us?
- Read John 15:15. Jesus gives away power and shares everything with his friends. How is that different from Saul's kind of friendship?
- Just you and GodWhat are you holding back from Jesus, your deepest, dearest friend? Tell him about it now.
3 A covenant both ways
- Read 1 Samuel 18:3, then 2 Samuel 9:1–7. How does David keep his side of the covenant, years later?
- Put yourself in Mephibosheth's shoes, summoned to the palace. What might he have expected? What did he get?
- "For friendship to really thrive, there has to be giving and taking on both sides." Are there friendships where you've taken more than your share, or felt taken for granted?
- Read John 15:12. Lisa said the first step towards that kind of love is "to accept the love offered to us." Why do some of us find it easier to give love than to receive it?
Carried to the table
- "The covenant God makes with us is one where he has made all the sacrifices and only requires our love in return." How might that change the way you come to communion?
- Mephibosheth was carried to the king's table. What makes you feel unable to come to God's table? What would it mean to let Jesus carry you there?
- Try it together: read John 15:15 aloud, then sit quietly while each person names to God one thing they've been holding back, and one friend they could make way for this week.
I have called you friends
Take it one line at a time. Pause after each before moving on.
Praying together
- Thank God for the friends who have journeyed with you, and pray for them by name.
- Pray for anyone in a friendship marked by envy or control, for wisdom and for space.
- Close together with Lisa's prayer: "Remind us that there is no safer place than in the arms of your friendship."
If you'd like to go deeper
A passage a day this week
A note for Life Group leaders
How to use this well
Fewer questions, deeper answers. One or two from each section is plenty for an evening. Let the conversation go where it needs to go.
Guard the private ones. The 'Just you and God' prompts aren't for going round the circle. Give people a quiet minute with them; anyone who wants to share can, and nobody has to.
Handle control with care. Lisa named coercive control, and some in your group may be living with a controlling friendship or relationship. Don't push for stories. If someone tells you they're being controlled or don't feel safe, listen, don't promise to keep it secret, and follow VCC's safeguarding procedures.
Don't skip the practice. Naming what we've held back from Jesus, and a friend we could make way for, is where this message gets real. Let the quiet be unhurried.
Some people are lonely. Lisa hoped we'd all have at least one friend to share our deepest joys and sorrows with. For some in your group, that's a painful hope. Don't fix it. Make room for them, and pray for them by name.
Vale Community Church · Marston Moretaine
The full message is on the VCC YouTube channel. Scripture quotations are from the NIV.